On Listening to the Word
Choosing the right congregation should not be the primary consideration of any young person who is thinking of becoming a religious priest, brother or sister.
The starting point is always the Word of God because the call uses the language of the One who Calls, not the language of the called.
In other words, immerse yourself in the word of God, in the study of the scriptures, in the homilies of the priests.
Maybe a good analogy is that of an author or a writer. Say you read Bo Sanchez, Jessica Zafra and Ricky Lo regularly. After some time, you are so immersed in their style of writing and in their distinct vocabulary that you don't need to look at the byline. You know the Writer because you are very familiar with the writing. You can distinguish one from the other. Such as, when the article is full of angst and irony, then must be Jessica. If it talks of showbiz gossip and latest scandal, you wont attribute it to Bo, because you are familiar with B's thoughts. Must be Ricky Lo.
The same way with listening to the promptings of the spirit. You can only affirm the voice and the message if you have listened enough to the point that your heart tells you that this is is! This is God's voice talking to me.
Try reading some excellent blogs like Faithofacenturion by Fr. JBoy Gonzales, usccb, the goodnews.
Showing posts with label formation tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label formation tips. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Abuses in the convents (part 1)
This might be a harsh, drastic statement but I have observed that formands who have been victims of emotional abuses as a child, bring out the abuser in the formator.
O course, most of these happen unintentionally or even unconsciously. It is not a question of motives. It is a matter of vigilance.
The logic behind this is that victims of emotional abuses usually create the environment for them to be abuses, and provide the reasons or cause for receiving an abusive treatment.
Such as:
On one hand, most abuse victims have developed conformity/obedience as a coping mechanism, without listening to their own will and their own desires. Authority is foremost a fearsome figure. Thus they are the archetypal obedient formands, a behavior that is usually affirmed by formators through giving them more responsibilities. In the process, precipitating the abusive experience.
On the other end of the pole, some abuse victims have become arrogant or aggressive as defense mechanism. Thus, they irritate formators, stretch their patience to the point where formators shout, insult or berate them. Again, replaying the drama of the abuse.
How to be vigilant about this?
next week!
O course, most of these happen unintentionally or even unconsciously. It is not a question of motives. It is a matter of vigilance.
The logic behind this is that victims of emotional abuses usually create the environment for them to be abuses, and provide the reasons or cause for receiving an abusive treatment.
Such as:
On one hand, most abuse victims have developed conformity/obedience as a coping mechanism, without listening to their own will and their own desires. Authority is foremost a fearsome figure. Thus they are the archetypal obedient formands, a behavior that is usually affirmed by formators through giving them more responsibilities. In the process, precipitating the abusive experience.
On the other end of the pole, some abuse victims have become arrogant or aggressive as defense mechanism. Thus, they irritate formators, stretch their patience to the point where formators shout, insult or berate them. Again, replaying the drama of the abuse.
How to be vigilant about this?
next week!
Monday, March 31, 2008
On Pluralist Communities Part 1
If I maybe daring enough to say that the biggest threat to formation today is not provided by the external environment, it is set in the closedmindedness of some of the senior members of the congregation who will make up the formative community of todays' formands. Ergo, the biggest challenge to formators is not in so much in providing the right formative interventions (though that too is very important), but it is in convincing and training local communities to transform into formative environments.
An authentic formative environment nurtures the fragile religious identity shaped from postulance through novitiate, as well as sustain the learnings and insights from the various formation programs. It will not depend on the modeling of one virtuous member, it will hinge on the quality of the relationship between and among members.
I strongly disagree wtih some formators who warn/caution and prepare their novices about the sad realities of local communities and teach their candidates skills to survive the difficulties. Postmodern generation of formands are wired to survive, they dont need survival skills, they need consistency.
Thus it is important to see to it that local communities share the paradigms of the formation committees and the formators themselves. I would cite the examples done by the Religious of the Virgin Mary (RVM), the Carmelite Missionaries (CM) and the SFIC (Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate Conception) among others who really invested time and energy by allowing their formators to explain to all communities and members the formation paradigms today.
(next week: tips in forming formative communities)
An authentic formative environment nurtures the fragile religious identity shaped from postulance through novitiate, as well as sustain the learnings and insights from the various formation programs. It will not depend on the modeling of one virtuous member, it will hinge on the quality of the relationship between and among members.
I strongly disagree wtih some formators who warn/caution and prepare their novices about the sad realities of local communities and teach their candidates skills to survive the difficulties. Postmodern generation of formands are wired to survive, they dont need survival skills, they need consistency.
Thus it is important to see to it that local communities share the paradigms of the formation committees and the formators themselves. I would cite the examples done by the Religious of the Virgin Mary (RVM), the Carmelite Missionaries (CM) and the SFIC (Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate Conception) among others who really invested time and energy by allowing their formators to explain to all communities and members the formation paradigms today.
(next week: tips in forming formative communities)
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
WedTips: Signs of Abusive, Authority Based Relationships
Authority figures (AF) can be parents, partners, teachers, principals, supervisors, religious figureheads, cult leaders, etc. Dependents can be children, partners, students, employees, religious followers, etc. What matters is that there is a power imbalance and a dependence of some sort, whether physical, financial, "spiritual," psychological or emotional.
1. AF's are the masters of dependents.
2. AF's alone decide what is right and wrong.
3. They alone make up the definitions, the rules, and the "consequences" (i.e. punishment)
4. Dependents are held responsible for the AF's feelings (anger, disappointment, embarrassment, humiliation, happiness and unhappiness)
5. The AF is only responsible and accountable for good things that happen, never the bad ones. Thus the AF' appears to always be in the right and when things go wrong, the dependent is always blamed and feels responsible and guilty.
6. The AF tries to exercise total control of the dependent by controlling his thoughts, feelings and behavior. Whenever this control is not absolute, the AF feels threatened.
7. The dependent's individuality is minimized as much as possible by the AF.
8. The AF creates an intricate system of punishments and rewards which rob the dependent of any sense of inner direction and esteem.
9. The following freedoms listed by Virginia Satire are denied to the dependent as much as possible:
The freedom to perceive To think and interpret To feel To want, need, and chose
10. The AF never (or rarely) admits mistakes or apologizes.
11. All of the above take place in a way which does not expose the AF's true motives and none of this is openly talked about. No "back talk" is allowed
Some of the Consequences
Mistakes are concealed
People are under constant stress
Needs are frustrated, denied
Fear dominates
Power is based on fear, not respect
Information is withheld and distorted
Information flow is primarily from top down
Behavior is forced; does not come naturally
Behavior is not consistent with true feelings, which adds to the stress
Conflicts and problems are blamed on the dependent's "poor attitudes" and "character flaws."
All of this tears the dependent person apart, causing self-alienation and even self-loathing. The dependent person loses faith in his/her own mind and feelings with devastating self-esteem consequences. Depression, rage, mood swings, co-dependency, self-injury and self-destruction are typical outcomes. If the authority figure is a parent the person will likely develop symptoms of various "disorders" such as the so-called Borderline Personality disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Anoexia, Bulemia etc.
1. AF's are the masters of dependents.
2. AF's alone decide what is right and wrong.
3. They alone make up the definitions, the rules, and the "consequences" (i.e. punishment)
4. Dependents are held responsible for the AF's feelings (anger, disappointment, embarrassment, humiliation, happiness and unhappiness)
5. The AF is only responsible and accountable for good things that happen, never the bad ones. Thus the AF' appears to always be in the right and when things go wrong, the dependent is always blamed and feels responsible and guilty.
6. The AF tries to exercise total control of the dependent by controlling his thoughts, feelings and behavior. Whenever this control is not absolute, the AF feels threatened.
7. The dependent's individuality is minimized as much as possible by the AF.
8. The AF creates an intricate system of punishments and rewards which rob the dependent of any sense of inner direction and esteem.
9. The following freedoms listed by Virginia Satire are denied to the dependent as much as possible:
The freedom to perceive To think and interpret To feel To want, need, and chose
10. The AF never (or rarely) admits mistakes or apologizes.
11. All of the above take place in a way which does not expose the AF's true motives and none of this is openly talked about. No "back talk" is allowed
Some of the Consequences
Mistakes are concealed
People are under constant stress
Needs are frustrated, denied
Fear dominates
Power is based on fear, not respect
Information is withheld and distorted
Information flow is primarily from top down
Behavior is forced; does not come naturally
Behavior is not consistent with true feelings, which adds to the stress
Conflicts and problems are blamed on the dependent's "poor attitudes" and "character flaws."
All of this tears the dependent person apart, causing self-alienation and even self-loathing. The dependent person loses faith in his/her own mind and feelings with devastating self-esteem consequences. Depression, rage, mood swings, co-dependency, self-injury and self-destruction are typical outcomes. If the authority figure is a parent the person will likely develop symptoms of various "disorders" such as the so-called Borderline Personality disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Anoexia, Bulemia etc.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Tuesdays with Rei
Tuesdays with Rei: Post-mod Gen Habits
(The Tuesday edition is a simple exposition on the habits of the post-modern generation of formands. Again, fornators are to exercise caution and avoid using these researches as labels or judgments on the young people today. They are excellent aids in understanding behavioral or personality dynamics, thus they are tools of formation.)
The philosophy of postmodernism represents a deconstruction of Western thought. Rather than relying on a moral authority such as Gods Word or man's reasonto determine truth, postmodern generation tends to recognize truth through experience and community.
The basic difficulty here of course is that truth becomes subjective; it depends on their experiences.
(The Tuesday edition is a simple exposition on the habits of the post-modern generation of formands. Again, fornators are to exercise caution and avoid using these researches as labels or judgments on the young people today. They are excellent aids in understanding behavioral or personality dynamics, thus they are tools of formation.)
the priority of human experience
The philosophy of postmodernism represents a deconstruction of Western thought. Rather than relying on a moral authority such as Gods Word or man's reasonto determine truth, postmodern generation tends to recognize truth through experience and community.
The basic difficulty here of course is that truth becomes subjective; it depends on their experiences.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Wedtips: Emotional Abuse No 4
WedTips
(Every Wednesday, I offer tips on understanding and dealing with formands who are victims/survivors of emotional abuses. I focus on emotional abuse since all the other forms of abuses like physical and sexual have been discussed thoroughly in various formation workshops, but also, the other forms of abuses have strong, pervasive emotional component)
Emotional Abuse 4:
Patricia may not be aware of it but her mother is addicted to dramatic situations. She turned simple situations into scripted dialogues that included shouting matches and crying incidents. Patricia felt her own feelings were not honored since she felt forced to be part of her mother's dramatic moments. She is an abuse victim.
Source: www.eqi.org
- The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others.
- The person may be "addicted to drama" since it creates excitement.
Patricia may not be aware of it but her mother is addicted to dramatic situations. She turned simple situations into scripted dialogues that included shouting matches and crying incidents. Patricia felt her own feelings were not honored since she felt forced to be part of her mother's dramatic moments. She is an abuse victim.
Source: www.eqi.org
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Sabado Nights: Tips for Rituals
Sabado Nights: Tips for Rituals
(Since Saturdays in formation houses are usually set aside for community recollections, I hope the Saturday edition of this blog, which focuses on formative rituals, provides some help for the formators in seeking creative formative interventions. Rituals, though a post-modern approach, allow the formands to experience a particular movement or transition, thus a very effective tool to end a processing or a spiritual experience.)
(Note: today is the birthday of my father Edilberto. Please include his soul in your prayers. Thanks)
(Since Saturdays in formation houses are usually set aside for community recollections, I hope the Saturday edition of this blog, which focuses on formative rituals, provides some help for the formators in seeking creative formative interventions. Rituals, though a post-modern approach, allow the formands to experience a particular movement or transition, thus a very effective tool to end a processing or a spiritual experience.)
Jewish Prayer for Peace |
| The following is a Prayer for Peace that is traditionally included in the Shabbat (Saturday) service. It is chanted together and a lovely prayer, drawn as most prayers in Judaism, from Biblical sources. May these words come true especially in today's time when our society and church are divided over the issue of truth!) |
| May we see the day when war and bloodshed cease when a great peace will embrace the whole world Then nation shall not threaten nation For all who live on earth shall realize We have come into being Compassionate God, bless all the leaders of all nations Fulfill the promise conveyed in Scripture: "I will bring peace to the land, Let love and justice flow like a mighty stream. Let peace fill the earth as the waters fill the sea. And let us say: Amen |
(Note: today is the birthday of my father Edilberto. Please include his soul in your prayers. Thanks)
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